Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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