She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
