He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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