Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize