its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
