Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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