In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
either way he was missing a nipple.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
