Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
