even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
