you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
