I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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