Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
