So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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