I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
