We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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