if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
