the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
