Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
