i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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