We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I love you. Go after that dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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