i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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