I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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