My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize