just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
