WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize