I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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