The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
