i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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