so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
