Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am available for nakedness
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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