Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize