Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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