I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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