My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
