11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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