Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
