Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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