Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
