My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
