Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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