The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
