i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
