mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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