Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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