Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
