angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
