if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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