i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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