He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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