alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
