Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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