Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
