After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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