I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i drank out of a bidet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
