So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
