just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize