I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You took a bar mat shot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
