Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You dont lie about slip and slides
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
