I want to stick my p in your. b.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize