went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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