have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
