i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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