I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
