When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize