youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
