I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
