so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
