the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
false alarm, still single
Randomize
