Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
