all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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