just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
