Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's official drugs can't kill me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
