my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
