spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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